The Ingredients to Writing a Fanfiction
by shaman3
Summary: COMPLETE But fanfics are fanfics..... They will be loved. They will be cherished. And now, for the first time, they will be made fun of.
1. Eggs

Introduction

sum fanfix writerz write lyk diz...-  
Some use big words like repercussion and instigation, and capitalize, too.  
some haves really bad grammars they use run-on sentences alot.  
Some fnafics aer so ful lof typos taht thyr eamlost impossiblet ot reade  
Some...fanfics...have...too many pauses...and dots,...mostly...the translated...fanfics...  
Narrator: Some fanfics are in script form; I don't know why.  
Some beautiful smart innocent fanfic writers use too many, too too many long unnecessary unimportant words to describe nondescriptive plain ordinary things.  
Some repeat things over and over. Some repeat things over and over.  
Some (KAPOW!) have (CH-CH-CHRAWWW) sound effects (HOWWWWWL).  
Some. Are posted. Chapter. By chapter.  
Some are posted all at once, the whole fic, yes the whole fic, all in one big post.  
sOmE pEoPle eVeN dO tHaT weIrD cApiTalIzIng tHing...aNnOyIng, iSn'T iT?

But fanfics are fanfics...  
They will be loved.  
They will be cherished.  
And now, for the first time,  
they will be made fun of.

-My sister, when she was making one of these, except with Korean Pop Stars, and not anime

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Chapter one: There's no need to put these lyrics in, but hey! I'm currently obsessed with this song, so why not?

**You're giving me too many things, lately.**

**You're all I need (ohhhh).**

**You smiled at me, and said, (echoing) and said, and said…**

Naruto walked around the village, trying to find a place where he could have peace and quiet, to just relax.

**Don't get me wrong, I love you,**

**But does that mean I have to meet your father?**

**When we are older you will understand**

**What I meant when I said no. (accent on the 'n')**

**And maybe, some things aren't that simple!**

Naruto grimaced when it echoed in his head again. The thing he was trying to run away from. The reason why he was trying to find a place to sit down and just clear out his mind.

**When you walk away, you don't hear me say**

"**Pleeease," oh baaabaay…**

**DON'T GO.**

Naruto finally found a lake and sat down on a rock beside it, looking up at the sky full of twinkling stars. It echoed in his head again.

_**Simple**_** and clean is the **_**way**_** that you're making me feel tonight.**

**It's **_**hard**_** to let it go.**

It was that song that Sakura had sung to him the other day. The annoying Pop song with the nonsense lyrics that made absolutely no sense. Pop songs were always hard to get out of his head.

**Hoooold me,**

**Whaatever lies beyond this moooooorning**

**Is a little later on.**

He tried to clear his mind, but it wouldn't work. The song kept going. And going. And going. Just like how a Pop song never ends. In your head, at least. That's what Pop artists were probably aiming for; if they'd gotten a song stuck in your head for eternity, they'd succeeded.

**Regardless of warnings,**

**The future doesn't scare me at a … all!**

Naruto shut his eyes tightly, a vein popping out of his forehead in frustration.

**NOTHING'S LIKE BEFORE!**

"ARGH!" Naruto yelled. "DARN YOU, JAPANESE POP ARTISTS!"

------------

Chapter two: Suddenly the future

Naruto's mind was thankfully cleared, and he was just about to leave for home, when he saw something come out of the bushes. And not just any figure: it was a person. A friend. A rival.

Uchiha Sasuke.

"What are _you_ doing here?" Naruto asked accusingly.

Sasuke just shrugged. "I GPS'd my way over here. Wanted to listen to my iPod without distractions."

Naruto's jaw dropped. "How the hell'd you get a freakin' iPod?"

"Dobe, every freakin' person walking in the village has one." Sasuke snorted. "I doubt you even have a simple computer."

"Hey!" Naruto shouted. "I so _do_ have a stupid computer, thank you very much!"

"And I suppose it's one of those _ancient_ Windows Ninety-five's, _hmm?_" Sasuke smirked.

Sasuke was damn right, he had a Windows Ninety-Five. So what if he had an ancient computer? As long as he had the internet, right?

"Hey, what's the point of having a computer, anyway?" Naruto suddenly asked. "I mean, we write all our documents on scrolls, and we're supposed to _train_, not surf the net. We're ninjas, for god's sake!"

Sasuke blinked. "I dunno. Never thought about that."

"And if we have computers, then the enemy should have guns, right?" Naruto said smartly. "And since they don't, it doesn't make sense for us to have all these gadgets that ninjas don't, and never will, have!"

"True, true." Sasuke nodded. Suddenly, he took out a gun from his pocket and shot Naruto in the shoulder. A piercing scream filled the air, and the blonde fell to the ground backwards. "But you never know … even if the enemy doesn't have a gun, the ally might…."

----------------

Chapter three: Sap, sap, sap… and angst. DRAMA!

Sasuke's smirk slowly faded away when he realized what exactly he'd done. He started trembling all over and the gun slipped out of his hands, landing with a quiet _thud_ on the grassy earth below. He glided over to his fallen comrade, taking less steps and more time to make it more dramatic.

"Naruto …" Sasuke whispered, his words being whisked away by the wind. When Naruto didn't answer, tears started to form in Sasuke's eyes. He shut them tightly and punched the ground beside the blonde. Bangs shielded his eyes from view, like a torn veil guarding a great secret. "Damn it … I'm sorry.…"

Suddenly, the raven-haired boy felt something cold and wet hit his pale cheek. Sasuke lifted his finger and touched the liquid on his cheek, observing his finger once he had finished taking a sample of the strange substance. A droplet of glistening, crystal, shimmering, beautiful water was on his finger. And on his arm. And on his leg. And on his forehead. And on his hair. And on his ear. And on his toe. It took him, and the readers, about three seconds before he realized it was raining. Just his luck.

_Darnit,_ Sasuke thought, gritting his teeth,_ Just my luck._

Sasuke cried and mourned for his fallen comrade while the heavens poured down on him. Raven bangs swayed gently to the wind, impersonating a veil that had been torn apart suddenly and ruthlessly, even though the 'veil simile' was already mentioned.

"Naruto.…" Sasuke whispered.

"_Naruto.…_" Sasuke moaned louder.

"NARUTO!" Sasuke all but shouted, his voice shaking with so emotion, it would make anyone cry if they heard.

But _no one_ was around.

No one at all.

Except Sasuke.

And his fallen comrade.

His fallen Naruto.

With the ugly orange.

Jumpsuit.

------------------

Chapter four: Where you can tell that the author had just read a book or a seen a movie with someone talking like this

"BWAHAHAHAHA!" Naruto shouted, sitting up and laughing his head off at a surprised and shocked Sasuke. The storm flew away suddenly, due to the sudden new style of the author that was just about to reveal itself.

"You fell for it! I can't believe you bloody fell for it, man!" Naruto shrieked, another fit of laughter released.

Sasuke frowned, his eyes tearless now. "That wasn't funny, man! That wasn't one bit funny at all."

Naruto smirked. "Dude, you know it was funny. You were cryin' your eyes out, man! Man, what a baby…"

Sasuke punched Naruto, the blonde falling into the grass. "Yo, wake up, dude. It wasn't _that_ bloody funny."

Naruto suddenly stopped laughing and sat up. "Yeah, yo. Yeah, I know, man. I'm sick of laughing, dude. What's bloody next?"

----------------

Chapter five: Where everyone suddenly knows Japanese, due to the original series having been written by Japanese person, and the simple fact that it was a manga, which is Japanese, by the way.

"KUSO!" Naruto blurted, making Sasuke blanch.

"What the hell was that about?" Sasuke said loudly. Sometimes the blonde could be really loud. Actually, no, that wasn't true. He was _always_ loud.

Naruto shrugged. "I dunno. I just felt like saying a Japanese word in this obviously ENGLISH fanfic."

"_Nani_?" Sasuke said incredulously. Naruto was so weird. "You really _are _a baka…"

"Teme!" Naruto screeched. "I dare you to insult me again!"

"Usuratonkachi!"

"Che!"

"Onegai!"

"Nani?"

"Banzai!"

"Er… neko!"

"Bishounen!"

"Bishoujo!"

"Hentai!"

"Doujinshi!"

"YAMERO!"

Sasuke and Naruto ceased their showing off of Japanese words, and both looked up at the newcomer. Their eyes widened when they saw the dark, very very random, person standing mere feet away from them.

"Onii-san…"

---------------

Chapter six: Where you display everyone's thoughts with different signs, so that it becomes _way_ too confusing.

(Sasuke/thought/

Naruto:thought:

Itachi: -thought-)

/Dammit, where did Itachi come from?/ "Itachi, why are you here?"

-Well, well, if it isn't my dear brother?- Itachi smirked; Sasuke glared. "I'm just checking up on my little brother."

/Yeah right, he's checking up on me./ Itachi's smirk widened, almost as if he could read Sasuke's mind. /He hates my guts./

"I thought you hated my guts." Sasuke growled.

"Not really." -What _am_ I doing here?-

:What's he doing here?:

-I guess I just felt like something was going to happen here-

:I guess he came for me. He's in Akatsuki, right?:

/Seriously, what the hell is Itachi doing here?/

-Really, I can't read their minds or anything. Why do they keep on---

/--standing there? Is he going to just stare at us all day, or is he going to--/

:--attack me! Please don't! I'm too pretty to--:

"DIE!" Sasuke screamed, leaping forward with a kunai. -Jeez, really, when's that guy gonna get it through his thick head that he can't beat me?-

:Sasuke's stupid. Even _I_ know that he can't beat Itachi.:

-I blocked your attack easily, brother-

/He blocked my attack easily! Shit, he's good!/

:Ramen…:

"Ha." -Stupid kid.-

/More like, your _mom_ says 'ha'/

-I wish Sharingan could read minds.-

:Ha, it's all silent here:

----------------

Chapter seven: Lights, camera, why the hell do we need it in script form?

Itachi: You're stupid.

Sasuke: -glare- Shut up.

Naruto: Ramen…

Itachi: Sasuke, I'm going to eat some cherries out of your internal organs.

Sasuke: O.O WTFH??????????

Itachi: Oh, and just for the record, I'm not _that_ creepy compared to--

Naruto: -- Orochimaru! -squealing, high pitched- Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh, that weeiiiiirrrrdoooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111one

Sasuke: More like, your _mom's_ a weirdo.

Naruto: -glances at Sasuke strangely- Sasuke, where'd you learn to be ghetto?

Sasuke: -bends his knees and starts moving his arms in a ghetto way- More like, where'd your _mom_ learn to be ghetto.

Naruto: SHUT. UP.

Itachi: More like, your _mom_ needs to shut up.

Sasuke: Ohhhhhhhhhhh! Naruto got _served!_

Itachi: True dat, bro.

Naruto: Okay, what the heck is going on here?

Sasuke: O.O Ah, we're repeating chapter four again!

Naruto: -incredulous look- What do you mean, 'chapter four'? Sasuke, what are you on?!?!?!?!

Sasuke: More like, what's your _mom--_

Naruto: -font size seventy-two- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

--------------------------

Chapter eight: Now, the characters suddenly know they're in a fanfiction, and guess what? SURPRISE GUEST!

"Sasuke," Itachi stated, "You must get stronger to destroy me. If you don't, I shall surely chop off your head and serve it with meatballs to Kisame, soaked with your own blood. "

Naruto grinned nervously at the camera, waving his arms around frantically. "Nothing to see or hear here, folks! Nope, nothing at all!"

Sasuke glared at his brother. "Itachi, I _will_ kill you. And when I do, I'll serve you to the Hokage with parsley and gravy and make sure your blood is around all the decorations."

"Ahhh!" Naruto shook Sasuke's shoulders. "Stop it, Sasuke! You're scaring away all the readers! Now they're never going to review!"

Sasuke blinked. "Readers? Reviews?"

Itachi gasped. "Oh no, that means we won't be noticed anymore, and whatever we do, we will never be acknowledged!"

Naruto dropped to his knees and wailed, "Nooooooo!"

Suddenly, a random girl with big dorky glasses popped out of nowhere. "Don't worry! We still read you!"

Sasuke blanched at the horrific sight. "Who the heck--?"

Another girl popped in the strange fanfic. She had glasses perched on her nose, a pencil behind her ear, and she was BEAUTIFUL! Beautiful, I say. That's all you need to know. (Because seriously, in real life I might have bad teeth, wrinkles, and be bald.)

The girl swatted at the dorky girl. "You. Go away."

"Who're you?" Sasuke asked, raising his eyebrows.

The non-dorky girl looked at Sasuke. "I'm the author of this fanfic. I make you do whatever you do."

Naruto ran up to the author and shook her shoulders. "Please, you've got to stop Itachi and Sasuke from beating each other up!"

The author shrugged. "Well, they kinda hate each other, you know."

"But still--"

"I still read you!" The dorky girl blurted, then returned to her same still position, her eyes bulging and her gapped teeth visible.

Naruto and Sasuke blinked at her. "Who's she?"

The author stood by the girl's side, placing a hand on her shoulder. "This is a reviewer. She has no life."

"Ah, I see." Sasuke nodded. "Like you?"

"Shut up."

"Anybody who spends their time writing stories about characters that aren't theirs, has no life and will never be successful if they keep on doing this." Sasuke explained.

The author sighed. "I know. But it's addictive. Anyway, we must proceed. Onward to the next chapter!"

----------------------

Chapter nine: OC's are really gross, OC's, I hate the most.

The two girls disappeared just as suddenly as they had appeared. Itachi, Sasuke, and Naruto glanced around for a while, then stopped and _all shrugged at the same time._

"That was weird." Naruto said.

"Well, at least they're gone." Sasuke shrugged.

"I don't think I can stand another weird girl coming here." Itachi sighed, massaging his temples.

An image emerged from the trees of the forest surrounding the lake. She had short raven hair, clothes exactly the same as Sasuke, and a hard expression on her face. When she spotted Sasuke, she gasped and grinned. The girl ran over to him and flung her arms around his neck.

"Noooooooooo…!" Naruto wailed. "Another creepy girl! Why are girls so creepy and weird? Maybe _that's_ why Sasuke doesn't like them."

"I heard that!"

"Sasuke-kun! I found you! You're really here! You're really alive!" The girl squealed, keeping the firm grip she had around his neck.

"What do you mean, 'I'm really alive'?" Sasuke asked incredulously.

"The massacre! The Uchiha massacre! I thought I was the only one who survived, but I guess you did, too!" The girl answered him cheerfully.

Sasuke blinked. "Wait, now hold on just a minute." He managed to grasp the girls hands that were slowly suffocating him, pry them off his neck, and then step back a few steps to stand next to his brother. "You're an Uchiha?"

"D'uh!"

"And you survived the massacre?"

"Yeah!"

"I remember very clearly only leaving Sasuke alive, little girl."

"Me, too."

"Sasuke-kun, you're so dumb!" The girl squealed. Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "Don't you remember who I am?"

"I have never seen you before in my life." Sasuke stated pithily.

The girl clicked her tongue nauseatingly cutely. "Sasuke-kun, I spent all my afternoons with you when we were younger!"

Three… two… one…

"I'm your sister!"

"WHAT THE HELL?" Sasuke screamed, flailing his arms and stumbling backwards into Itachi, who caught him calmly.

"Yeah, my name is Uchiha Kisara!" The girl then pouted as if she were the cutest thing in the world. She _really_ didn't act like an Uchiha, like she claimed to be. "You _really_ don't remember me?"

"No, no, no, no, NO!" Sasuke screamed.

"Neither do I." Itachi said boredly. "And I think I'd know if I had a sister."

"Well, I'm your sister." Kisara said, placing both hands on her hips. "And there's nothing you can do about it! Ha!"

"Girls sure are creepy." Naruto whispered.

---------------------

Chapter ten: "Sorry for the OOCness" said the author

Out of surprise and shock, Sasuke-- the only one Itachi left alive-- took out a kunai and threw it at Kisara's forehead. She fell on the ground and died.

"Phew, that scared me." Sasuke sighed.

Suddenly Naruto came skipping up to him. He grabbed both sides of Sasuke's face and leaned in close to Sasuke. Sasuke gulped, a faint pink tinting his cheeks.

"Naruto, what the hell are you doing?"

Naruto just giggled. _Oh, dear god. _Sasuke thought. _Naruto did _not_ just giggle._

"Sasuke-_kuuun,_" Naruto moaned, leaning in closer. Sasuke was getting tired of hearing that. But that didn't stop his blush from increasing terribly.

Suddenly, a pair of arms wrapped around his waist, pulling him forcefully away from the strange blonde. Sasuke looked up to see Itachi, his blood red eyes with so much _emotion_ in them; Sasuke vaguely wondered if that was really Itachi.

"Now, don't you lay one finger on Sasuke-kun." Itachi sang with a creepy smile on his face. Sasuke sighed. _Sasuke-_kun_, again…._

Naruto pouted, his big blue eyes the size of two planets. "And what happens if I do?"

"Then I'll eat your head!" Itachi grinned, uncharacteristically not as violent as he was supposed to be. "Sasuke-kun, I'll buy you ice cream if you cooperate."

"What the hell?" Sasuke blanched and ran away from both Itachi and Naruto. "What the hell is _wrong_ with both of you?"

Naruto advanced toward Sasuke. "We're only fighting over your love."

"No, that's not true!" Sasuke shouted, pointing at Naruto. "You don't giggle."

"I don't?"

"And Itachi, you don't offer ice cream."

"I don't?"

"Stop acting like … not yourself!" Sasuke screamed. "It's creepy, makes no sense, and no one likes it! Why're you doing it, anyway?"

"Because it makes people confused!" Itachi said proudly, as if he were making a speech.

Naruto clapped childishly. "Bravo, Onii-san! Here here!"

Sasuke's eyebrow twitched. "This … is crazy."


	2. Milk

Chapter eleven: Reviews (it helps if you read it backwards)

shaman3: eight reviews!

Ramen04: Dude, how awesome was that? That was so funny!

shaman3: Ha, seven reviews! Wow, so happy! Raymie, I think those are seven words, not one, but oh well. SleepOnMyPillow, shut your trap. Jay, what's up? summrbaby, I don't think this would be much of a hit if it were published; besides, you can't get fanfics published and the reason is because 1) they're stupid, 2) it's copyrighting and there's a possibility that the fic can get more popular than the original. And Dragonfly, improve your grammar. I actually like dragonflies a lot. Dragonflies are great with their giant bodies and their giant wings! flies away impersonating a dragonfly

Dragonfly: Pukekekekekekeke! Dat was sooooooooooooo funi!

summrbaby23: OH MY GOD. YOU SHOULD GET THIS PUBLISHED. THIS IS AWESOME WORK. REALLY. YOU SHOULD PUBLISH THIS. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH. IF YOU DON'T GET IT PUBLISHED, I WILL KILL YOU. THIS STORY WAS GREAT. YOU SHOULD TURN IT INTO A BOOK.

HowcoolissophieohbythewayIMSOPHIE! (non member): ROFLMFAO!

Sora6: Hi, Brigid. This is Jay. Looks like you're writing quite a bit, and people are liking it. Congratulations!

SleepOnMyPillow: Gawd should kil ya in yo shleep. Dish fic was grate, until you hat to make Natruo get closhe to Saskue. Yaoi ish disguisting. Shtop it.

R a y m i e: Funny! I only have one word to say: Update, update, update, or I'll kill you!

JungMinee012: That was cool! More, please!

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Chapter twelve: (A/N: Today, I had cheesecake)

There was a silence in the air, both calming yet irritating. (A/N: is that even possible?) All three boys glanced at each other, not knowing what was next.

After many minutes-- "What're we doing?" Naruto said. (A/N: kyaaa, I love Naruto-kun!)

Sasuke rolled his eyes at Naruto and walked back over to him. (A/N: Sasuke-kun and Naruto-kun should get together. They are hawt hawt bishies.) "Why're you such a dobe, Naruto?"

"Don't call me that!" (A/N: Really, Sasuke-kun!)

"I can do whatever I want, thank you!" (A/N: Really, Naruto-kun!)

Naruto puffed out his cheeks and was about to retort when (A/N: Sorry, you guys. I haven't been writing lately, because I was on a long, long trip to Africa with my family. It was so cool! Okay, if there's a place you have to go to, it's Zimbabwe. It's so friggin awesome, not just because it's got a name with a Z in it --how _cool_ is the letter Z? -- but because it's in the shape of Homestar's head. You know, Homestar Runner? "Some folks say I'm a terrific athlete!" Well, if you don't know who Homestar is, which I doubt, go to Itachi disappeared.

-----------------

Chapter thirteen: A typical SasuNaru, where they never say the people's first names and just use adjectives, plus they repeat things over and over again.

"Hey, where'd your brother go?" The orange-jacketed-boy asked, glancing around. "He was here just a second ago. What happened? Does he do that often? Uchiha, do you know where--"

The tanned boy froze when he saw the pale boy sitting on a lone rock, watching the lonely waters softly ripple through the beautiful lake. The lonely moon rested on the water's surface, shining its enchanting, lonely light on the lonely, pale boy's skin and face. The avenger looked like a lonely angel, his body almost glowing like a lonely person. The kitsune boy gasped at how beautiful the-guy-sitting-down looked.

_Wait, what? That-guy-on-the-rock-that-I'm-not-supposed-to-say-his-name, beautiful?_

Making sure for one last time if Itachi wasn't nearby, the future-Hokage stumbled over to the lone boy and plopped himself next to his friend. Friend? Was the-always-pissed-off-boy a friend? The smaller boy glanced at the taller boy out of the corner of his eye. A rival, yes, but was he a friend? Who knew? Whenever anyone asked him about their relationship, the blonde never knew what to say.

All he knew was that their relationship was the strongest one he had ever felt.

"What is our relationship, baka?" the lone voice rang through the lonely air.

The spiky-haired kid froze, then sighed dramatically. "What does it matter?"

The raven-haired boy suddenly ticked. He grabbed the blonde by the shoulders and looked at him straight in the eye with so much un-loneliness, it scared the other person senseless. "'What does it matter?'? '_What does it matter?'?_ 'What does it matter?'? **'What does it matter?'**? _**'WHAT DOES IT MATTER?'?**_ I'll tell you why it fucking matters! You've been too dumb and clueless to notice, but I …" He suddenly froze in his random outburst, lonely obsidian eyes widening. "Uzumaki, you … I …" The lone look on the strange boy now wiped clean, Not-Kyuubi-but-kinda-close leaned in just an inch closer, eyebrows furrowing.

"What, Uchiha?" The demon-vessel pursued desperately. "What are you?"

The bishie leaned in close to the whiskered-boy's face, making the fangirls scream like wild cats, but instead of landing his lips on the kid's lips, he hit the ear, concluding the fangirls' screams with disappointment, and starting the anti-yaoi girls' and boys' cheers.

"Say something." The not-lone boy whispered.

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"Because every SasuNaru chapter ends with a cliffhanger."

------------------

Chapter fourteen: An all-too-censored lemon, written when the author doesn't want to sound too perverted, or if their parent is over their shoulder, reading everything they're typing.

The person (oh, which one? YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.) touched the other person.

"What're you doing?"

And then…

SOMETHING HAPPENED.

But we cannot reveal it, no, we can't, because-- oh, look at that! Rated T, not M or higher! And someone said something, but we cannot reveal that, either, because-- oh hey, do you smell that? MY MEATLOAF IS BURNING! And what? _What?_ _Something's on the ground? But what is it?_ Well, we cannot reveal that, because-- ahh! Something's under my desk! And a single letter was repeated over and over again, but you'll never know which one it is, because-- hack cough cough cough cough cough. It could've been T, or B, or H-- YOU'LL NEVER KNOW.

Never.

Ever.

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Chapter fifteen: A typical ItaSasu, where everyone just _happens_ to like Sasuke, and they repeat the word 'sin' a whole bunch.

Sasuke ran away before Naruto could say anything. He ran into the forest surrounding the lake, and bumped into someone.

He looked up. Oh dang….

"Hey, Itachi." Sasuke grumbled.

Itachi suddenly grabbed Sasuke and pulled him close, their noses touching. "Sasuke, I love you."

Sasuke winced, not liking the close proximity between the two brothers. "Er, yeah, love you, too."

"No, I didn't mean it like that."

"Huh?"

"Not like a brother."

"Oh."

"…"

"OH!" Sasuke, suddenly feeling very stupid, tried to free himself from Itachi's grip. "Eww, that's… sinful."

"I know. I'm a sin."

"Not really, because it's what you _did_ that was sinful, not you."

"But I'm a sin, too."

"Why're you a sin?"

"Because … I dunno."

Sasuke raised an eyebrow, slowly nodding. "Okaaay, you're acting kinda … screwed-up."

Itachi spun around, bringing Sasuke with him. Sasuke yelped as he was flipped and widened his eyes at what was in front of him. Everyone was camping, at a clearing of trees. He could see all the genin of his year there.

"You see everyone there?" Itachi asked. "They all like you."

"_What?_ I mean, that's not hard to believe with Sakura and Ino, but not _Kakashi_."

"Well, he likes you. And you know that kid over there, looking bored?"

"Shikamaru?"

"Yeah, he likes you too."

"_Uh_, no, he doesn't!"

"And that girl over there? She likes you, too. And that guy over there. And that girl over there. And that squirrel. And that turtle. And that blanket. And that tree. And the sky."

"Itachi, you're high."

"I wouldn't doubt that."

-------------------------

Chapter sixteen: The amazingly short chapter where it's only, like, six words or whatever, and I think they're not even _allowed, _but people still do them anyway, for some reason whatsoever.

Sasuke walked into the camp.

------------------------

Chapter seventeen: A typical SasuSaku, where it's _always the same thing._ Watch this.

Sasuke said hi to Shikamaru. Or someone. It's not important who he talks to.

Sakura glanced at Sasuke. She had once loved him, but once she realized he would never love her back, she gave up on him.

After about ten seconds, Sasuke wondered why Sakura wasn't latching onto his arm and asking about a date. He missed her company, and black eyes glanced through the area. Once he found Sakura, who had gone back to talking to Hinata, he just _randomly_ noticed how beautiful she was and started to like her.

After about five seconds, Sakura noticed Sasuke was looking at her and started to like him again. She walked over to him and made out with him.

The end.

(seriously, guys, either make the stories interesting, or shorten it to twenty seconds)

---------------

Chapter eighteen: Where they look up waay too much information on the characters.

Naruto parted two bush braches with his palms, glancing around. He shook his head roughly, then moved to a different bush. He crawled around on the ground, sniffing the dirt. He climbed a tree, sniffing the air.

"Naruto," Naruto peered down from a branch of a tree, to see a confused Itachi. "What the heck are you doing?"

"I smelled and sensed fresh vegetable!" Naruto called. "I hate those things!"

"Really? There's no information about me and _my_ dislikes." Then he whispered, "They want to keep me mysterious and cool." Then he called again. "They didn't even record how tall I was! It says 'unknown' or something."

"Huh, that's weird."

"Yeah, but they've got all the information on Sasuke."

"_What_ about me?"

Sasuke walked in on the two of them, returning from the camping party. He sniffed the air, then broke into a smile. "I smell a fish riceball. I love those things."

Naruto scowled. "What about the fresh vegetables? Can't you smell them?"

"And I smell red bean meatball sweet soup. That's what Sakura likes best." Then he scoffed at the air, flipping his hair. "I'm going on a walk. In case you don't know, that's my hobby."

"Have fun, mister one-hundred-fifty-point-eight centimeters!" Naruto shouted, then slid down from the tree, to land in Uchiha Itachi's open arms.

"Let's go to the camp site." Itachi suggested.

-------------------------

Chapter nineteen: The chapter that your little brother wrote without your notice

Itachi and Naruto whent to camp. They both saw everyone their and, everyone their saw them. Then suddenly, Itachi farted really loudly. Everyone laughed at him, but Naruto said that was how the guy greeted others. Itachi farted again, this time sooooooooooooooooo loud that all the trees behind him exploded. Pikachu came out of Itachi's fart and attacked everyone with Thunder. But Naruto killed Pikachu. But everyone was still fried and Itachi was still farting.

----------------------

Chapter twenty: Where everyone dies by protecting the guy they love. Basically, the Japanese fics.

"Ah! Shikamaru!" Ino cried, running to her teammate's side. She held his hand as she patted his hair with the other. There was blood all over it from the lightning bolt, and it seemed as if part of his skull had exploded. "No, Maru! Don't die on me!"

"Ino…." Chouji breathed behind her. "Look at that damage. He's … obviously gone."

Ino screamed then flung her arms around Shikamaru's neck. "No! How! Why? SHIKAMARU!"

"The only person that could've conjured up a lightning bolt would be Kakashi with Raikiri." Chouji guessed, the thought of an electric-type mouse generated by gas never coming to his mind.

Ino ran to Kakashi in the speed of sound and punched his chest, but Sakura came to block him, getting knocked by Ino's fist to her nose. And with the amazing accuracy and power that was the effect of love, Sakura died.

Kakashi took one glance at Sakura, then Raikiri'd Ino to her death.

Chouji Meat Bullet Tanked Kakashi to his death, but Iruka came in and blocked it.

Kakashi Raikiri'd Chouji to his death.

Asuma threw a kunai at Kakashi's head, resulting to death.

And five minutes later, everyone was dead. Except Naruto and Itachi.

"Hey, I didn't do it this time!" Itachi noticed in surprise, smiling proudly at himself.


	3. Flour

Chapter twenty-one: Fanfic summaries

**There are the ones written by people who have obviously never posted a fic before:**

1) Er, yeah, tihs is a fanfic … about Sasuke … and Naruto…. Oh, I dunno. I suck at summaries. Just read it!

**There are the ones where the author is basically just talking and talking and doesn't really give a lot of information about the fanfic:**

2) Hi, guys! This is my first EVER Naruto fic, so please don't be mad at me if it's bad! TT Okay, so basically, it's about Naruto living in the wild like he's some kind-of fox or something. Actually, isn't he a fox? XDDDDDD Oh wait, no, that's the demon inside of him, right? X(((((( I really don't get why the villagers hate him. It just doesn't make any sense! Just come and read my fic, all right? It's a great story, really! lolololololololol!

**There are the ones that are just plain trying too hard:**

3) The important thing is, the more reviews I get, the more I'll update….

**There are the ones where the person really doesn't know how to make a summary:**

4)……………… read.

**There are the ones that are very vague (these are usually the good ones, actually):**

5) A blur of color. Two figures move. What? FIND OUT… yayyyyy!

-------------------

Chapter twenty-two: ABd GRammr-tiis

Natruo hiy tIachi onteh hed. Wat"yiu dp this tume/"

"i didnt dp Nythng1'

NAtruo roled ihs eyys. 'yeh,rite,tupiiidddd."

Irachi gkated. "I ahtey ou.'

"yeh, e 2."

"…"

"Eheres sAskeu/"

'light heer, dobaaaayyyyy.'''

Natruo gashpde. "omg, saskuu1 tis trriblee1 wats goinon wit r voices n wrdz/'

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111onehunderedeleven TAICHI SED TIS SOOO WEOWWEDDD

YaL r Al DoRkKz. sAsKuE sCoCdCf.

Ehhehh, naputo hihhled, '00c…………"

n t3h shitnoobiis wir d00md fo ;ife intil teh nect chapiie caimint oexistanec n heple us ut 

------------

Chapter twenty-three: Bad Grammar-itis; where they post the fic/chapter a second time in an attempt to take out all the grammatical errors, yet somehow failed and still some things aren't very clear.

Natuto hit ITachi on teh head. "Wat you do this time?"

"i didnt do anything!"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "yeh, right, stupid."

Irachi glared. "I hate you.'

"yeh, me too."

"…"

"Where's sasuke?"

"Right heer, dobe.'''

Natruo gasped. "Oh, my god, Sasuke! This is terrible! whats going on with our voices annd wordz?'

"OH, MY GOD! Itachi said, "THIS SOOO WEIRD!"

"Ya'll are all dorks." Sasuke scoffed.

"heehee," Naruto giggled, "Out of character…"

And the shinobis were doomed for life. until teh next chapter came into existanec and helped us out.

-----------------

Chapter twenty-four: The typical Naruto x Akamaru x Neji x Tsunade x Itachi x Konohamaru x Sasuke x Naruto

Er, this is never going to happen, therefore, no one wants to read these pairings, therefore, I am not even going to make a spoof out of this, since no one would know what I was talking about, anyway. _I _wouldn't even know what I was talking about, so if you want this, one word: Tough.

---------------

Chapter twenty-five: On second thought, let's try that last idea in a typical soap-opera fanfic that reminds me of Korean dramas.

A loud bark echoed through the forest. All three boys paused and prepared themselves for whatever was going to pop out at them. But it was just a dog: Akamaru.

"Akamaru, baby!" Naruto pounced on him and threw his arms around Akamaru's tiny body. Akamaru wriggled free and pounced on Neji, who came out of the shadows next (for some reason, he wasn't at the camp, Naruto guessed). Naruto glared at Neji, who chose to ignore Akamaru's tight clinging to his leg, and clocked Neji in the nose.

"Neji, how dare you treat Akamaru like that?" Naruto shouted, stomping his foot.

"Now is not the time to be arguing, brother." Neji muttered.

Naruto froze. "B … brother? W … what are you talking about, N … Neji?"

But this was when Tsunade and Konohamaru entered. Everyone ran around in a circle, in a big Midsummer Night's Dream kind-of thing. And this is where you need to make a chart, which you may find in my profile.

---------------------

Chapter twenty-six: The Alternate Universe with uniforms and tights

Naruto blinked. He took in the sudden change of scenery around him with hesitation. He was now inside, not outside, in a _hallway,_ no less. The lighting was slightly dim, and the floors were polished. There were water fountains and fire extinguishers and doors all down the hall.

"Okay, now where the heck am I?" Naruto wondered aloud.

"Naruto!" Naruto heard a voice call behind him. "There you are!"

Naruto spun around and almost blanched at the sight of the redhead in front of him. "Gaara!" Then, raising his hands up in fear and turning his head away. "Don't eat me!"

Gaara blinked. "What are you talking about, Naruto? We have to get to Chemistry, quick!"

"Chemistry?" Naruto repeated, lowering his hands. "What's that?"

Gaara sighed and shook his head. "Ah, Naruto … have you been drinking? What do you remember?"

When Naruto said nothing, Gaara sighed again. "Okay, listen carefully. I'm your best friend; we're at Konoha High School, today's Tuesday, which means we have Chemistry. _Now._"

"Wait, hold up. _You're_ my best friend?"

"Yes. Oooh, and there's Uchiha with his Fanclub."

"Sasuke has a Fanclub? Like, an official club and not just a bunch of crazy girls trampling him?"

"See for yourself."

Naruto turned and saw Sasuke in a uniform and tie (which, Naruto observed, he had on himself) desperately trying to get away from a stampede of girls, all screaming his name and adding a little suffix of 'kun' to the end. Ino was the leader of the pack and was informing Sasuke of their plans for their next meeting and what their club was doing lately. Almost all of them had dark blue shirts on to show their love for the, as they would say, 'ravenette'. All the girls were not normal girls and it was plainly obvious that every girl in that particular school could not be on the same Sanity Level as the typical girl in real life, as was usually the case in a school with Naruto and Sasuke in it.

"Oh, I forgot to tell you," Gaara said sarcastically, as though Naruto already knew; Naruto seriously didn't know what in the world was going on, "You're British and Uchiha's Japanese."

"What?" Naruto blurted, tearing his eyes off the pack of girls. "How come I'm British?"

"Well, you see, your nationality changes every time. Sometimes you're British, sometimes you're German, and sometimes you're even American." Gaara explained. "It's because you don't have Asian eyes, so people know you're not Asian, but they also know that there might be a thousand different countries that you might be from, so they just pick one. By the way, Sasuke has Asian hair, so people know he's either Japanese (usually Japanese, anyway) or Chinese."

"Well, that's definitely _fair._" Naruto pouted as Sasuke glared at the girls, half of them fainting because they thought he was absolutely gorgeous. "Whatever the case, there's a chance we're both Nazi's." A second later, as if realizing what he had just suggested, "So not cool."

Naruto stepped towards Sasuke. "Yo! Sasuke!"

Sasuke took one glance at Naruto and made a run for it. Towards Naruto, of course. "DO SOMETHING!" He shouted, grabbing Naruto by the shoulders. Naruto guessed that, unlike Gaara, Sasuke had just been transported here as well and didn't know a thing about what was going on.

Naruto scowled at Sasuke and the girls. "Me? How'm I gonna do something? They probably hate me!"

"Eww! It's that dork Uzumaki!" One of the girls screamed in an amazingly high-pitched voice. Half the girls ran away in disgust; The other half kept running for Sasuke.

"Hey! They _do_ hate you!" Sasuke exclaimed. "Can I use you as a shield?"

"You know, you're probably losing cool points because you're hanging out with a goddamn Scandinavian loser." Naruto mumbled before both of them disappeared.

---------------

Chapter twenty-seven: The Alternate Universe with a cartoon that you have never heard of.

"Oh geez, where are we now?" Naruto muttered, glancing around the desert. It was empty except for cacti and sand and dust and … the sun.

Suddenly both boys heard a voice echoing around them, as if they were in a movie theater with surround sound. The voice was a twelve-year-old black boy, as you could tell by the vocabulary he used. "Dis is a story 'bout me and ma croo …"

"What the hell is this?" Sasuke snapped, scrunching up his nose in disgust.

"… when all of a sudden, all four o' us got sucked _into_ our video game!"

"This is strange." Naruto and Sasuke gasped when they heard the high voice and both swiveled around to see Konohamaru.

"When'd you get here?" Naruto shrieked.

"… collect dese cartridges wid every video game episode on dem… yo…"

"I dunno." Konohamaru shrugged. "I was just transported here when I was running away from Itachi. Where the hell are we?"

"… us, Da Boom Crew."

There was a moment where the theme music that had played in the background the whole time, kept playing. Naruto imagined this was where the actors froze in a martial arts pose to make things more dramatic. He also assumed that the episode of this "Da Boom Crew" would start in moment's time.

And just as he thought, four nine-year-olds came charging in the desert with hovercrafts. They were all black except one huge nerdy-looking boy, who was white.

"Wow," Sasuke muttered. "How racist is this show?"

"Do you imagine this is why they cancelled it after airing only four episodes?" Naruto said.

The four kids stopped their hovercrafts in front of the ninjas and leaped off onto the sandy ground. They pointed weapons at the ninjas and a skinny black guy (probably the main character, Naruto guessed) spoke to them.

"Are ya'll Zork?"

In one second, the ninjas all glanced at each other. In another, they were rolling on the floor, laughing their asses off. Who knew what a 'Zork' was? Naruto definitely didn't. Even if it meant something very important, the word was just too funny.

"All right, we're out of here." Konohamaru said, still smiling from laughter. He lifted his hand in the air and snapped. They all waited for them to be transported into another world. They didn't.

"It's not working." Naruto stated, glaring at Konohamaru.

Sasuke said, "You know, it's probably gonna work in the middle of a sen--"

---------------------

Chapter twenty-eight: The Alternate Universe with the exact same plot and story as something else we're all familiar with, just with different characters. (It doesn't just have to be with this theme, too)

After several great flashes of light and scenery, the ninjas were in a giant castle with an illusion ceiling that showed the weather outside to be dark and full of stars. Kids in robes all around them were all eating deliciously displayed food on the tables, and the ninjas were all surprised to find that the ninjas themselves were wearing the same exact robes.

"Uchiha Sasuke!" The three turned to see a seventeen-year-old standing just behind Sasuke. He grabbed the raven-haired boy's hand and shook it enthusiastically. "A most wondrous honor to meet you, sir."

"Uh, yeah." Sasuke stuttered, blinking. "You, too."

Naruto took one long, hard stare at the elder, then blurted to Sasuke, "What the hell's this guy talking 'bout?"

Before Sasuke could shrug, the seventh-year's eyes went wide and he shouted, "You don't know? This man killed Orochi-- I mean, He-who-must-not-be-named! He was chosen by the Fourth Hokage himself to be on the Hidden Leaf house. And you, Uzumaki Naruto, are a poor, red-haired loser with six siblings." Just as he said that, Naruto's sun-kissed locks transformed into a deep shade of red.

Ignoring Naruto's cry of dismay, the teen turned to Konohamaru, who, in fact, was very frightened of the sudden change of plot. "And you, Konohamaru … are a girl."

Konohamaru's hair became long and … ugly. And he felt something go missing.

Sasuke, glancing from the red-haired-Naruto to the girl-Konohamaru, smirked. "This is … flippin' awesome. Now, if only I could get Akamaru to turn into a half-eagle, half-horse, and Gaara into an annoying little eleven-year-old with an obsession for cameras, that'd be way cooler."

"Don't even think about it, Sasuke." Naruto demanded, glaring at Sasuke's now-green eyes.

---------------------------

Chapter twenty-nine: The Alternate Universe with the modern day computer

Naruto blinked. For the third time that day, he was transported by some unknown force. He was all alone in a room. A lone object was giving the room light and it was, on the stone floor, a laptop.

He saw a thin window of names off to the side of the screen. Peering at the title, he found his own username, which happened to be Ramen12.

"Well, d'uh." Naruto whispered, rolling his eyes, "What else would I expect?"

Suddenly the sound effect of a creaking door filled the room, and, glancing back to the screen, his brilliant blue eyes saw a single username appear on his buddy list: ChidoriAvenger. Naruto right-clicked his new friend's name and picked out the profile. A new window popped up, displaying information that would reveal this man's identity:

**Itachi, you bastard, I'm gonna get you. And nothing will stop me. Not even Naruto (that is, if he ever beats me in strength). I'll avenge my clan and kill you, you lazy son of a--**

"Yup, that's definitely Sasuke." Naruto decided, nodding proudly.

But before he could even double-click Sasuke's username, another name came up on the list: iwillbeocmehokageMUAHAHAHA!1.

"Oh, my god." Naruto sighed. "Newbies."

Changing his mind, the blonde double-clicked the new screen name and quickly typed in a message for his admirer:

**Ramen12: **konohamaru! hows it going man?

After awaiting ten seconds, he got an unexpected response:

**iwillbeocmehokageMUAHAHAHA!1**: shut up Naruto! Im cybering this chick!

And, with the sound effect of a door shutting, iwillbeocmehokageMUAHAHAHA!1 signed off. Naruto, sniffing, whimpered, "He blocked me."

Going back to his original plan, he talked to Sasuke.

**Ramen12: **sasuke sup

**ChidoriAvenger: **Oh, hello, Naruto.

**Ramen12: **my floor is stone

**ChidoriAvenger: **really? I've got carpet over here. Red carpet. In my living room mansion.

**Ramen12: **i really hate you you know tat

**ChidoriAvenger: **I'm guessing you live in a box? A stone box?

Naruto chose not to answer to that one and was rewarded with a strange word.

**ChidoriAvenger**: ROFLMFAO.

He chose not to answer to that, either.

**Ramen12: **how r we gonna get outta this one

**ChidoriAvenger: **we're not. I'm staying where I am.

**Ramen12: **well Im not!

**ChidoriAvenger: **Oh, right. Box-liver.

"Oh, shut up, you--!" Naruto screamed, but cut himself off once he saw that word again.

**ChidoriAvenger**: roflmfao.

**Ramen12: **wat exactly is that sposed to mean

**ChidoriAvenger: **I'll tell you once we get back home.

**Ramen12: **oh, ou just wait sasuke. you aint seen nothin yet.

-------------------

Chapter thirty: So many swear/cuss/curse/whatever words, that it's almost impossible to read it. (every swear will be replaced with a friendly word with the exact same amount of letters and part of speech as the real word, placed in bold text)

With a twirl and a spin, Naruto was back at the lake, where he saw that the others who were chasing each other, had left. Not too long after he vaporized to the spot, Sasuke followed by Konohamaru came spinning in the scene.

Naruto stormed up to Sasuke and shouted in his pale face, "You **worried** **tuesday**! I'm going to **worried** kill you!"

Sasuke gave Naruto his most powerful death glare. "What the **love** are you **worried** talking about?"

"**Love** you!" Naruto let his rage take control. "**Love** you, **like** you, and **walk** you, you little **october**!"

"'**Walk** you' doesn't make any sense," Konohamaru peeped.

Naruto just stood and stared at Konohamaru for a minute, then, realizing what he had said, pouted. "**Walk**! You're **worried** right! '**Walk** you' _doesn't_ make any sense! **Walk**!"

"**Like**, Naruto." Sasuke sighed, in an almost I'm-better-than-you way. "I **worried** can't **worried** believe **worried** you're **worried** such **worried** a **worried** stu-**worried**-pid**sun**."

"**Love** you!"


	4. Salt

Chapter thirty-one: One big giant author note at the beginning of a chapter

Hey guys! Wazzup? Thanks a million for those reviews that you gave me! I loved them, I loved them, I absolutely _adored _them! You know, I was thinking yesterday, maybe I could just end the fic there, right, at step three? Huh? No? Yeah, my reviewers would probably chase me around with torches until I changed my mind. shudder kinda scary to think about, actually.

Okay, so, sorry about the long hiatus for step three. I know there was a big gap in between those two, and I'll try better next time, okay? Really, I will. What, you don't believe me? You don't believe that I'll try better next time?

Oh, you want me to prove it to you?

All right, how about for every chapter I write, I'll give you a-- OH MY GOD, IS THAT A BLUE JAY? ME HAVE TO GO CATCH IT!

Sorry, I love Blue Jays. And it was in my _yard, _too! Oh, geez!

Okay, what was I saying? Oh, you don't care! You just want the fic to start, right? Well then, go on! Vamos!

---------------------

Chapter thirty-two: Naruto oblivious, dumb blonde, everyone else likes Naruto

Sasuke blinked and eyed Naruto, up and down his body. Konohamaru just ran up to him and pounced on the blonde, tackling him to the ground. Naruto released an 'oof!', before trying to latch Konohamaru's arms off his neck.

"Konohamaru, man! What do you think you're doing?" Naruto blurted, finally getting a breath as he pulled desperately at the arms.

"Naruto-kun, I love you!" Konohamaru chirped, before tightening his grasp.

Sasuke looked on with envy.

Neji, Tsunade, and Itachi all came out of the blue and pounced on Naruto in the same fashion that Konohamaru had done. Naruto gasped and tried to struggle free from all their grasps, but to no avail.

Sasuke looked on with envy.

"We all love you, Naruto!" Tsunade chirped.

"What?" Naruto gasped.

"We all love you!"

"Sorry, I blanked out there for a sec." Naruto asked.

"We. Love. You."

"Come again?"

Finally managing to get away from all the strange people who had suddenly changed in a period of twenty minutes, Naruto ran far, far away. He ran until he met the city, ignoring the glares and shoves from the villagers. When he reached the door to his apartment, Naruto ran head-first into his twin bed, burying his head into the pillow.

"That was too scary." Naruto whispered.

Sasuke looked on with envy. Sort-of.

Suddenly, a knock on the door echoed throughout the entire apartment. Naruto groaned and dragged himself out of bed and to the door. Naruto opened the door, staring at the person before him. His eyes lit up when he saw who it was.

"Hey, Naruto." Sakura exclaimed, glancing around in Naruto's apartment. "Is Sasuke here? And if he's not, do you know where he is?"

Naruto didn't answer immediately. Instead, he took to staring and admiring the one he liked so much. "Wait, how come you … I thought you were dead."

"Huh?" Sakura blinked and stared back at Naruto.

"Weren't you dead just a second ago?"

"What're you talking about?"

"I thought you were."

"You thought I was what?"

"Dead."

"Pardon?"

"Oh, never mind." Naruto sighed. Sometimes, girls could be such a pain. "What did you want?"

"Do you know where Sasuke is?" Sakura repeated slowly, a little glare in her green eyes.

Naruto nodded behind her. "Right there."

Sakura turned around, and sure enough, there was Uchiha Sasuke, in all his glaring and moody glory.

Sakura squealed and gave Naruto a big hug around the neck. "Thanks, Naruto! You're a big help!" Naruto couldn't help but turn red, from the tip of his ears, to the point of his nose.

Sasuke looked on with envy.

---------------------------------

Chapter thirty-three: Where do all Naruto fics take place in the timeline of Naruto's life? When Sasuke leaves for Orochimaru. (basically filled with descriptions on how much Sasuke changed)

Naruto glared at the man he hadn't seen in so long, the man who had left for power, left behind friendship, love, anything that showed even the slightest bit of care. The man he hated but couldn't bring himself to hate. How could he forget all the teasing, the fighting, the interminable rivalry that all seemed like it happened just yesterday?

All it took was one trip to Orochimaru. One could change in a matter of seconds, of chapters. Chapters of their lives, of course. Not of some … fanfic.

"What are you doing here, traitor?" Naruto spat.

Sasuke shrugged. He looked older since the last time Naruto saw him, though Naruto could've sworn Sasuke couldn't age that much in the time span of a chapter; his skin was amazingly paler and his hair was almost-impossibly darker. Every muscle in his was body accented. His ears had gotten smaller. His eyes were more alert, more sharp. His thumbs had gotten more calloused from vigorous training every day. His index finger was the same. And the same with the middle finger, the ring finger, the pinky….

His nose … no, just kidding, his nose was the same.

"Just decided I'd visit." Sasuke mumbled. Even his voice had matured. He must have finally gone through puberty!

"What, not even gonna bother to fight me?" Naruto said loudly, clearly, cocking his head to his side. Even if Sasuke changed so much, Naruto was still the same old Naruto: Spunky, animated (well, literally, too), blonde and blue eyes, the same old Hokage dream. "Chicken wuss!"

Sasuke turned around smoothly, his suddenly-materialized black cape fluttering and whispering. Sasuke had gotten cooler, too. "Don't wanna fight." Sasuke whispered, so soft, so shy. And in that split second, Naruto captured a glimpse of the old Sasuke (where had it gone, anyway?). Sasuke was not a stranger in that split second, and Naruto couldn't understand why. The two boys were supposed to be enemies now; so why didn't Sasuke steal a kick to Naruto's head?

_He still cares._ Naruto gasped. _That's what it is._

He cared more than he did when he _wasn't_ a traitor, when he was still part of Team Seven. Naruto remembered what Sasuke was like when he _was_ still part of Team Seven-- how his skin wasn't so pale, but still very pale; how his hair wasn't so dark, but still so very dark, indeed. He remembered how every muscle in his body wasn't so accented. His ears were bigger, his eyes less alert. His thumbs weren't so calloused. His index middle, ring, and pinky fingers were the same as the thumb….

His nose … nah.

It was then that Naruto realized how much Sasuke had changed over time.

-----------------------------

Chapter thirty-four: A typical one-shot. This time, it will be ShikaIno, since some reviewers didn't like the yaoi relationships, and everyone likes ShikaIno, right?

Shikamaru had always liked Ino. Ever since he had first lain eyes on her, he couldn't get over how beautiful she was. It was after eleven years of liking her that he finally made an attempt to have her.

He had kissed her.

Ino had run away, as expected. Shikamaru sighed in defeat.

--

Ino was sitting on the roof of her house, head buried in her crossed arms on her knees. She didn't have a clue why Shikamaru had kissed her It wasn't as if he liked her. He always thought she was an annoying, loud brat that obsessed over Sasuke, right? _Right?_

It was then that she figured it out.

Shikamaru liked her.

SUDDENLY she decided she liked him too and a smile grew on her face when she realized someone _finally_ liked her that she liked back-- no she didn't like him she loved him with all her heart, every single inch of it and she jumped down from the roof of her house and ran all the way back to where Shikamaru had kissed her and was surprised that he was still there and she skidded to a halt right in front of the Master of Shadows and said in one breathless voice--

"Aishiteru, koi." Ino panted, clutching her torso, because all the sudden events, conclusions, and run-on sentences made her sick to the stomach.

Shikamaru smiled. "Aishiteru."

-------------

Chapter thirty-five: An author note in the middle of the frickin' story

Hey, all you readers! I just wanted to say, I'm soooooo sorry that I haven't been writing recently! You know, final exams are coming up, and all that jazz. O.O Plus, KH2 and Advent Children are both out, so I'm takin' my time with those! Oh, and thank you sooo much for those of you who keep reviewing! I wub you all! TT

------------------------

Chapter thirty-six: Where there's so much history with the characters, it's hard to keep up.

"Long time, no see." Sasuke muttered to Naruto, holding out a hand. He gave the blonde a strange smile, a hidden meaning or message behind it. Naruto remained glued to the spot, glaring at Sasuke.

Sakura glanced between the two, not understanding what was going on.

"You monster." Naruto breathed, his glare fiery than ever. "How could you even show your face here? _After everything you did to her!_"

"Who?" Sakura asked.

Sasuke ran a hand through his dark hair which just pissed Naruto even more, though Sakura couldn't understand why. "I didn't do anything to _her_, Naruto. She was a toy, a puppet. She had no heart."

"YEAH, WELL, AT LEAST SHE STILL HAD A CONSCIENCE!" Naruto yelled.

Silence. "I have a conscience, Naruto. If I didn't, why would I be here? For you?" Here, Sasuke chuckled like a video game character, his shoulders bouncing up and down. "Heh heh, Naruto. _He's_ the only reason I'm here."

"_Who?_" Sakura demanded.

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "What do you want with _him?_"

"Who's_ he?"_ Sakura shouted.

Sasuke's face remained calm. "Everything."

"What?" Sakura shrieked.

"You can't change him Sasuke!"

"Change who?"

"Why not? I changed _her,_ so why would it be any different with--"

"Who're you talking abou--"

"It's _completely _different, Sasuke! You keep thinking they're the same person because of their DNA, but now that you've killed one of them, the other's got a slight flaw in his genes that _you_ made!"

"What's going-- Hey, Naruto, I didn't know you knew genetics!"

"That's my point! Because of their bloodline, their DNA is connected to their memory! That's why I killed _her_, and that's why I need _him_! To attach their souls to _it_!"

"What?"

"Sasuke, stop it!"

"_What?_"

"Don't tell me what to do, Naruto!"

"Wh-- SHUUUUUUUT UUUUUP! Please! Now! Thank you."

---------------

Chapter thirty-seven: A fic told by two authors. The following is never successful and tends to drag out a bit.

Sasuke and Naruto stopped in mid rant to turn their gaze to the Sasuke they had forgotten about. How they could forget about their teammate like that, the blonde didn't know. Immediately, he felt deep regret hit his chest like a spear, and dropped to his knees to apologize.

--

"Sakura-chan!" Naruto-kun hugged Sakura-chan's knees. Sakura-chan was HAPPY! Yayyyy! "Sakura-chan, please! Don't be mad! i don't like it when your mad!" Sakura-chan said it was okay, "It's okay, Naruto-kun." "Thanks"

--

The demon-vessel stood up, recollecting himself. Sakura was giving him a strange look, but Naruto decided to ignore it. Who understood girls, anyway? He turned around to face Sasuke, shooting a glare at him for what he had done in the past.

--

Meanwhile, all the way back to forest, Akamaru-koi learned to FLLYYYY! Yaaaaaayyyyy! Everyone was so happy that he could do such a thing it was marvelous. Meanwhile, all the way back to where we were before, Naruto-kun ran up to Sasuke-kun with very little steps.

--

Why he took little steps, Naruto didn't know. Perhaps it was because he wanted to stall. Yes, that was it. To encounter his dark, mysterious friend was indeed a task he did not want to do. Especially after everything they'd been through.

--

BUT NARUTO-KUN TRIPPED! YAAAAYYYY!

--

Sasuke sniffled a chuckle. "You are such a klutz." He laughed, while Naruto's brilliant blue eyes glared at him once more. "Oh, and stop repeating that 'yay' in your head. It's getting annoying."

"What, how can you read my mind?"

"New jutsu."

Naruto rolled his eyes. "Of course."

--

Naruto-kun was happy for his friend-- or ex-friend-- for learning a new juusto **yaaayyyyyy!**

--

"Stop it!" Sasuke ordered.

--

YAAAYYYY!

--

"SHUT UP!"

--

**YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY**

--

-Fin

A/N: We apologize-- or _I_ apologize-- for the end of this fic that had just begun. I just can't take it anymore; BlackCello can't SHUT UP. I thought she could write after that fluffy drabble she wrote, but it seems she is incapable of doing the least bit so. Once again, I apologize.

----------------------------

Chapter thirty-eight: A poem fic, where you just want the story to continue, but _noo:_ a stupid poem has to block your way and turn it into an obstacle! (oh, and the poem sucks, too)

**Give me strength;**

**Let me up into the sky.**

**The whole, the length,**

**Has to try  
it.**

Naruto got up from his sprawled position on the floor. He walked over to Sasuke and opened his mouth to say something--

**What do I do now?**

**What shall I say?**

**Is it in thou?**

**Is the answer in mé?**

"Let's just … forget about the whole thing." Naruto uttered, making a 'cancel' sign with his hands. "Okay?"

Sasuke glanced behind the blonde at Sakura. Sure, he didn't want to talk about this in front of her, but they still needed to--

**Wow, I like ice cream,**

**I like interrupting.**

**I like to dream.**

**And I especially, extremely like corrupting**

**LAZER BEAMS!**

--talk about it. This was important. The raven-haired boy had _killed_; how could they just let that slide?

Sasuke frowned. "Naruto, we've--"

**What do I do now?**

**What shall I say?**

**Is it in thou?**

**Is the answer in mé?**

"--gotta talk."

Naruto made a choking noise, pointing at Sakura with his eyes, the irises jerking sideways, then glancing back at Sasuke. _What are you thinking? Did you--_

**One more time?**

_--forget about Sakura, or something?_

"Listen, Sasuke." Naruto sighed in a concluding tone. "We can talk about this _later_. Just--"

**What do I do now?**

**What shall I say?**

**Is it in thou?**

**Is the answer in mé?**

"-- not--"

**What do I do now?**

**What shall I say?**

**Is it in thou?**

**Is the answer in mé?**

"--right--"

**What do I do now?**

**What shall I say?**

**Is it in thou?**

**Is the answer in mé?**

"--now."

---------------

Chapter thirty-nine: A different theme of occupation that changes the characters almost completely

Naruto grinned and turned to Sakura. "Sasuke and I are good."

Suddenly around the corner, a robot twice the size of Naruto came hovering towards them. The robot had lines of buttons trailing all the way down to its legs. All eyes were glued to the unusual display, wondering what was going on.

It beeped, lights on his body flashing as it spoke. "If you press a button, you may change you body." The buttons lining itself lit up.

Sakura _did_ need a body change. If it would be as easy as a press of a button to lose ten pounds, she'd do it. Sakura confidently walked over to the robot.

"Hey, there aren't pictures to show which button does what." Sakura whined, frowning.

The robot said nothing.

Shrugging, she pushed a button in the middle and waited for something to happen. The robot's eyes turned bright red, gleaming down at them with hunger. The three of them barely had time to gasp before they all were blasted with a laser beam from the robot's eyes.

Instead of getting thinner, she became smaller. She was floating in the air; something had grown out of her back. She was shrinking fast.

Green eyes snapped open. They widened a fraction when the sight of Naruto and Sasuke met her gaze.

"We're FAIRIES!" Naruto screamed in horror, twirling around in the air, his eyes set on the wings on his back.

"Teehee!" Sasuke giggled, his hands clasped and his leg bent. "This is soooo _cuuuute_!"

Sakura flew over to the robot. "Well, all we have to do is press another button."

Naruto screamed. "NO, DON--"

A blinding flash interrupted him. Their forms grew normal sized, but they felt their canines growing uncomfortably long.

"_Vampires_!" Naruto screeched.

Sasuke hissed. "Naruto! Come hither. I must suck your blood!"

Sakura shrieked and pressed another button.

Pirates. Sasuke had an eye-patch and waved a machete above his head. "Give me all yer loot!"

Dinosaurs. Sasuke roared as a T-rex over Sakura's stegosaurus form.

Mice. Sasuke's paws were up to his chest and his nose quivered. "Cheese!"

Sakura started wailing. After a loud cackle, the robot disappeared.

----------------------

Chapter forty: A parody of a parody

Tom had always been isolated from the others. He would always just sit on the swing while everyone else was playing outside with their friends.

But there was a reason for the isolation. You wanna know what it was?

He had a beaver inside his stomach.

Tom had his share of problems, but they were almost as big of an issue to him as Jason's were to himself. His whole family had left him; and not the 'left him' that meant 'went away on a vacation', but the _bad _'left him'. The one that meant they, basically, DIED.

Jason's family was famous for making contact lenses. They would make ordinary ones, color ones, star ones, every single design or idea you had, they had it. Their most famous one was red and had coma-like things spinning around your pupil, the Hikarazimashisalafutoranituzhita. But his brother, Zell, had invented a more descriptive Hikarazimashisalafutoranituzhita, one that looked like a pinwheel with veins coming out of the iris. Everyone thought it looked weird and swore that if he wore it again, they would all commit suicide. Two days later, Zell gathered all of Jason's family in the living room and put on his contacts for everyone to see. As soon as this happened, each member of the family took out a knife and stabbed themselves.

Except Jason, obviously.

Zell told Jason to hate him for doing this. But Jason didn't understand why he said that, because he already _did_ hate him. It was stupid.


	5. Sugar

Chapter forty-one: Who, me? Yes, you. Couldn't be. Well then, look at your author profile.

Name: iPwnN00bsLikej00

Interests: Coffee, fanfiction, het, _**NOT YAOI**_

Favorite manga: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto

Least favorite manga: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless

Favorite anime: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto

Least favorite anime: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless

Favorite graphic novel: Rurouni Kenshin, Inuyasha, Fruits Basket, Naruto, Naruto, Naruto

Last favorite graphic novel: Beyblade, Dual Masters, Loveless

Amount of friends: five hundred

Friends' names: UchihaClan, Fate, tattle tale, loser, Maniac, muggle6789, badwriter1234567890, mrvoldy95, granco02, shamanramen04, brigid4evr, saveseptimus, oOChibiOo, BiNgNaBiNgNaBiNg, zero04, BlackCello, What is thoust namest, camel rider, camel lover, incredibrigid, dewgongong, hippistandsby, ilovetoridehorsesandflyonguineapigs, D roc 63, scottishgurl3986, skilledquicy, m4n5b6, Mistress of Loving Fire and Darkness and eating heads, Fenrir, Gummiship300000000, gooooglehedron, ProjectUtopia, enjeru, enduro, BlueOrca, gndagnor, Saka, eguana, iguana, chameleon, dog, cat, mouse, dogcatmouse, hairyman, chain of tonic memories, Strife, hentailover, hetlover, whatthefo, koreanpride, chinesepride, antarcticpride, O0O, 770-985-6784, GaryJohnson, GJohnson, Beatles, Twist and Shout, Come--onn--, lisp7, Last Comic Standing, dc2-palmbrinks, SEE ME FOR MORE.

Amount of siblings: one

Sibling's name: Marco

Amount of pets: three

Pets' names: Fido, Sparky, Fluffy

Kind of Pet: dog, dog, kangaroo

Amount of eyes: two

Eyes' names: Slush, Dookie

Amount of fanfics: ten

Names of fanfics: Walk with me, Tell me more, What about me?, Kiss me, Love me, Talk to me, Don't talk to me, Stop doing that to me, Weren't you gonna do that to me?, What were you going to do to me?

Number of words in said fanfics: 250, 300, 100, 56, 25, 10, 3, 2, 568, 0

Amount of reviews in total: five hundred

Names of reviewers: UchihaClan, Fate, tattle tale, loser, Maniac, muggle6789, badwriter12345678890, mrvoldy95, granco02, shamanramen04, brigid4evr, saveseptimus, oOChibiOo, BiNgNaBiNgNaBiNg, zero04, BlackCello, What is thoust namest, camel rider, camel lover, incredibrigid, dewgongong, hippistandsby, ilovetoridehorsesandflyonguineapigs, D roc 63, scottishgurl3986, skilledquicy, m4n5b6, Sorceress of Loving Fire and Darkness and Eating Heads, Fenrir, Gummiship300000000, gooooglehedron, ProjectUtopia, enjeru, enduro, BlueOrca, gndagnor, Saka, eguana, iguana, chameleon, dog, cat, mouse, dogcatmouse, hairyman, chain of tonic memories, Strife, hentailover, hetlover, whatthefo, koreanpride, chinesepride, antarcticpride, O0O, 770-985-6784, GaryJohnson, GJohnson, Beatles, Twist and Shout, Come--onn--, lisp7, Last Comic Standing, dc2-palmbrinks, SEE ME FOR MORE.

------------------

Chapter forty-two: Omg, abbreviations in a fanfic? lol, that's Mazing!

"Omg." Sasuke squeaked. He scanned his paws and licked his lips. "How could this happen?"

"Idk." Sakura said frowning.

"WTF are you TALKING about?" Naruto screamed, pointing an accusing claw at Sakura. "YOU turned us like this, you damn PITA!"

"Imo, it's not _entirely_ my fault," Sakura stated, pasting her palm on her chest and ignoring Naruto's growing glare. "It's the fault of whoever brought the stupid robot in the room."

"Well, we don't know _who_ did it, do we?" Naruto accused, scowling. "Foad!"

"Pncah, Naruto." Sasuke cooed, crossing his arms.

"Stfu, Sasu--"

"Ho, Naruto," Sasuke started, crawling over to Naruto's side.

"_Did you just call me a ho?"_ Naruto shrieked, glaring at Sasuke now.

Sasuke rolled his eyes. "No. Su. I meant 'hold on'. Now _ho._" He clashed his fingers together and stilled for just a moment, then ftasp, hand signs were formed. Naruto's blue eyes caught glimpses of ones that he recognized: Bird, cow, pig, snake, some more zodiac animals, and then (as usual) ending with a tiger. With a pop, their wings disappeared-- Sasuke's and Naruto's only-- and their forms grew larger and larger until both ninjas were back to normal size.

At the sight of Sakura's screaming face and her high pitched voice, Sasuke and Naruto found themselves lol.

Rofl.

Roflas.

Roflttc.

Roflmao. Or Rofltao.

Roflmtottd.

Roflolaptp.

With that, they g'd and chirped, "Ttfn!"

**Glossary in chronological order**

**Omg: Oh, my god**

**Idk: I don't know**

**Wtf: What the fuck**

**Pita: Pain in the ass**

**Imo: In my opinion**

**Foad: Fuck off and die**

**Pncah: Please, no cursing allowed here**

**Stfu: Shut the fuck up**

**Ho: Hold on**

**Ho: Hooker, whore, prostitute, your mom**

**Su: Shut up**

**Ftasp: Faster than a speeding bullet**

**Cow: An organism that produces milk along with the goat, in colors of white with splattered black. Maybe in pink, too.**

**Lol: Laughing out loud. Though I learned it as Laugh out Loud**

**Rofl: Rolling on floor laughing**

**Roflas: Rolling on floor laughing and screaming**

**Roflttc: Rolling on floor laughing 'till they cry**

**Roflmao: Rolling on floor laughing my ass off**

**Rofltao: Rolling on floor laughing their asses off**

**Roflmtottd: Rolling on floor laughing their asses off 'till they die**

**Roflolaptp: Rolling on floor laughing out loud and peeing their pants**

**G('d): Grin(ned)**

**Ttfn: Ta-ta for now.**

**Awutssgalagpsslnhb: Anyone who uses these should seriously get a life and go play some soccer like a normal human being**

-----------------

Chapter forty-three: "Okaaay, that was… random." (usually written by some whore-y girl, a four-year-old, or your sister)

Naruto: I'm so glad we got out of that mess!

Sasuke: Me, too. -suddenly stops walking- wait… Where are we?

Naruto: -stops- Hmmm… well, I think we're in--

Giant fish: -pops out of nowhere- WONDERLAND! I LOOOVE WONDERLAND!

Sasuke: -blanches- Huh?

Giant fish: Oh, yeah. Wonderwonderland is definitely the bestest land in the worldland, wonderland.

SUDDENLY A FLYING RABBIT CAME OUT OF THE SKY!

Flying rabbit: Helllooooo! Welcome to Wonderland, matees!

Naruto: -grabs Sasuke and hides behind him- Sasuke, what's going on?

Tim Burton: i'M hOoOoOoOmE!

Flying rabbit and Giant fish: Hewoooee!

Sasuke and Naruto: -walking away slowly from the others- Okaaay, we'll be going now! -turns around and starts running-

BUT THEY WERE BLOCKED BY A FLAMING HEADED--

…baby?

--------------------------

Chapter forty-four: Original writer? Nooooope.

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Naruto screamed, shielding his face in terror. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"I want …" The Flaming-Headed Baby whispered, his words disturbing the ground's peace. "… a shrubbery…."

"Hey," Sasuke whispered to Naruto. "I think he got that line from Monty Python."

"Oh no!" The Flaming-Headed Baby cried.

"What?" Sasuke said.

"They're gone!" The Flaming-Headed Baby explained. "Our ----- are gone!"

"Your … what?" Naruto exclaimed, raising an eyebrow in confusion. "What do you reckon he's saying?"

"'Photos'?" Sasuke replied. He then glared at the Flaming-Headed Baby. "Yup, that's definitely Kingdom Hearts II."

"Listen," The Flaming-Headed Baby told them in a sudden serious voice. "If you want to get back to reality, all you have to do is say … Hopscotch."

"_Hopscotch?_" Naruto shrieked in laughter.

Sasuke took his chin in his hands. "That one's from Corpse Bride."

"Never mind that, Sasuke." Naruto quickly mumbled. He grabbed Sasuke's hand and shouted, "HOPSCOTCH!"

And as promised, they were back in reality.

------------------------

Chapter forty-five: _Actually, _Naruto's really smart. (wtf?)

Sasuke sighed in relief, smoothing out his shirt form the wrinkles. He and Naruto were both on the dark streets of Konoha, the streetlights buzzing like mosquitoes.

"I'm glad we're out of _that_ mess." Sasuke sighed. When no response came, he glanced down at Naruto.

Only to find him on all-fours on the ground.

"You know, I knew about the Kyuubi long before Iruka told me." Naruto whispered, still not facing Sasuke.

"Kyuubi?" Sasuke asked, frowning lightly. "What're you talking about, dobe?"

Naruto chuckled softly and grimly. "Dobe, dobe, dobe … always the 'dobe'." Naruto stood up then, and faced Sasuke. With the serious light in his eyes and the fixed frown, Naruto looked amazingly older. And his eyes … they were blood red. "I'm stronger than you, you know?"

"What in the world are you talking about, Naruto?" Sasuke demanded, taking a few steps backwards in fright.

With that streetlight over him and no signs of life within a yard's distance, Naruto really looked just like a lonely boy. Or an emo. "I've just been hiding it. It's easier to act like I'm stupid, than to act like I'm all-powerful … which I am."

"Whatever. Naruto, you're out of your mind--"

"No, Sasuke!" Naruto shouted, rushing over to Sasuke and grabbing his shirt collar. "_You're_ out of your mind! How could you have ignored me and my strength? How dare you call me a dobe _every day! _Do you know how much it _hurts?_ It _damn_ hurts!" Naruto seethed, breathing in and out heavily. "You're gonna pay, you know that? YOU'RE ALL GONNA PAY!"

Sasuke blinked in confusion, then slammed his fist down on the top of Naruto's head. Naruto collapsed to his knees, his arms falling limply to his sides. Naruto sniffed and grinned. "Ha, thanks, Sasuke. Man, I thought I was all-powerful and all that for a sec, there."

Sasuke scoffed. "You'll always be a dobe, Naruto. No matter how much fans hate that word."

---------------------

Chapter forty-six: Violence is not the answer. A-and suicide. That, too.

Sasuke was about to tell Naruto to get up, when he heard sniffing. Blinking once again and glancing down, he saw the most peculiar thing. Naruto's head was bowed to the ground, so that his face was shielded from view. Yet, his shoulders vibrated and bounced. It would've looked like he was laughing, if only the sniffs hadn't been present. Sniff. Sniff. A ragged breath. More sniffs.

Only one thought passed through Sasuke's mind as he saw this.

_What kind of shinobi cries in front of his rival?_

That's when Naruto held up a dagger: six-inch, waxed and shiny, a golden grip with a gem on the end. Another thought passed Sasuke's mind.

_Oh, the suicidal kind._

"Hold up, Naruto." Sasuke said. Sasuke grabbed the dagger still clasped inside Naruto's hand. But Naruto wouldn't let go; his grip remained powerful. Sasuke struggled and grunted, until Naruto lifted his face.

Naruto's once sparkling and lively blue eyes were now dull and bloodshot. His goofy grin was replaced with a pursed lip. Sasuke had never seen him like that before.

"Non los ee Ske." Naruto whispered, his pursed lips tracing into a depressed frown.

"Sorry?" Sasuke asked, still concentrating on getting the weapon out of Naruto's hand. Why hadn't he just used a kunai? Oh, of course: to make things more dramatic and cliché.

"Noh un luss me, S-ske." Naruto managed to croak out.

"What-- Naruto, what the hell are you saying?"

"NO ONE LOVES ME, SASUKE!" Naruto screamed. His mouth changed again; it was now gritting and bearing teeth. "No one … no one in this whole village … not Kakashi, or Sakura, or even Iruka….No one … truly … lo … ves … me.…"

Suddenly, Sasuke was overblown with emotion. He crouched down to Naruto's height and looked the blonde straight in the eye. "Naruto, I--"

"Good job, Konohamaru!" Itachi cheered. Konohamaru continued to whiz around the Uchiha household; to the boy, flying was the newest and most fun act he had ever done. Of course, to a mosquito, it wasn't, since it was always flying. And sucking people's blood out. You gotta remember that.

Naruto let go of the dagger and cried again. Cried in happiness, this time.

After what Sasuke had said, he would never try to commit suicide again.

--------------

Chapter forty-seven: What, did you think there was no plot to this fic, besides making fun of other fics? Well, here's the plot. The plot that is introduced at the very end. 

Naruto finally stood up, and Sasuke did the same. They glanced around the street, trying to decide which way to go. Suddenly, Naruto gasped and pointed.

"Look, there it is!" Naruto exclaimed.

Sasuke inspected where Naruto was pointing at, and saw the Hokage, Tsunade, taking a walk. "There what is?"

"The plot!"

"Tsunade's the plot?"

"No, not Tsunade: what happens next!"

A great beast came out of nowhere, scooped up Tsunade in its arms, and trotted away.

Sasuke frowned and thought the situation over. "So … we're trying to save Tsunade?"

Naruto gave him a flat look. "No, we're gonna have a party and eat cupcakes all day-- OF COURSE WE'RE GONNA SAVE TSUNADE! That's the plot, dumbass!"

"Oh, right."

--------------------

Chapter forty-eight: "H-hello… my name is _Marlin…_ I'm a clownfish…"

Both ninjas sprinted down the street, trying to find Tsunade and the great beast that took her. They must've looked for ten minutes straight, when something suddenly stopped them: A vortex plastered onto a wall of a building. Both Sasuke and Naruto halted and watched as the swirling neon vortex spat out a girl around their age, wearing just a normal T-shirt and jeans. She whispered something under her breath, before brushing dirt off her clothes and turning to them.

"Who're you?" Naruto demanded.

The girl's eyes widened in fear; she held up a shaking hand. "H-hello … my name is _Katrina …_ I'm not a clownfish…."

"… d'uh." Sasuke spat. Katrina shivered.

"Well, what're you doing here?" Naruto asked as if he were talking to kid.

"I-I … must've gotten transported here f-from my other world." Katrina stuttered, gazing back at the vortex.

"Oh, great. Another one." Naruto sighed and hung his head. "Sasuke, how many times has this happened before?"

"At least five thousand."

"Really? I lost count after two-thousand-eight-hundred-thirty-seven."

"Hey, Katrina." Sasuke asked; Katrina jumped in surprise. "Have you seen a monster somewhere around here?"

"Oh, yes." Katrina nodded and pointed to the Konoha Stadium. "It went that way."

"Well, look here." Sasuke told Naruto. "This here's the first one to be of some help. The others are just nuisances."

"Let's go, Sasuke. We've got a Hokage to save."

-------------------

Chapter forty-nine: Crosswords or Jumbles?

Sasuke and Naruto arrived at Konoha Stadium and searched for Tsunade and the beast. They didn't have to search long, for the two were right smack in the middle of the giant soccer field. Or football field, if you're not from America. The two ran out and was about to save Tsunade, when a giant suit of armor grabbed the beast away from Tsunade, throwing it all the way to the goal box.

"Are you okay, ma'am?" The suit of armor asked. His voice was high and Naruto wondered how someone so young could fit in a suit of armor that large. "I hope you're not hurt."

"Oh, no … I'm fine." Tsunade replied. She eyed him curiously. "Who are you?"

"I'm Alphonse Elric." The suit of armor answered. He pointed at a young man who was fighting off the beast. "And that's my brother, Edward Elric."

"Alphonse, why are you in a suit of armor?"

"My brother sealed me in here, so I wouldn't get sucked in and die by my mother. My body's not really inside-- it's just my soul. And Ed … well, he's got a metal arm and leg."

Before Tsunade could react, Naruto called to her and approached her, followed by Sasuke. Naruto opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a cry from Edward. Everyone turned to see him laying on the ground, the monster pinning him down, a glob of spit threatening to land on Edward's nose. Sasuke dug into his bag attached to his side, snaking out a kunai; yet, he did not throw it, for someone else saved Edward.

A mouse.

It was a rather large mouse, with ears like missiles shooting out of its head. Two red spots were glued on its cheeks, and its tail was in the shape of a lightning bolt. The mouse was painted with yellow.

"Pikachu, thunderbolt 'im!" A black-haired boy with a red hat said, not far away from the mouse. The mouse-- this Pikachu-- screamed out its own name as a sort of battle cry, Sasuke guessed. A shot of lightning embraced its form, and directed at the beast lying on Edward, shocking both.

Alphonse panicked. "_Wh-what're you doing to my brother?"_

The electrified pair was suddenly lifted into the air. Everyone watched as a white outlining coated the two. A beam shot out of them, hitting something in the air and forming a keyhole. A boy with black clothes and spiky hair slightly similar to the-boy-with-the-Pikachu's, sprinted in front of the keyhole. He swiveled a giant key with his hand, stepped back, and shot a beam out to the keyhole. Just as the keyhole disappeared, two animals wearing clothes ran to the boy's side.

"Who're you?" Naruto asked, amazed at what he saw.

The boy and the animals turned around. "Oh, sorry. We're Sora, Donald, and Goofy."

"Always that order, A-hyuk!" Goofy exclaimed.

"What's your story?" Naruto asked, in an almost accusing tone.

Sora explained, "Well, I got transported from my island through darkness. I tried to find my friends, but I ended up finding Donald and Goofy. From then on, I saved worlds on our Gummi ship with this oversized key. My best friend got pissed and let this weirdo scientist take control of him, and I had to fight the scientist to free my best friend and the heart of all worlds. I beat the scientist and sealed the worlds, but there were still dark beings with no hearts everywhere; so I had to save more worlds to try and find my best friend. In the end, I found him using darkness to find and help me. But then he got back to his usual self, and now, everything's all right."

"And what about you?" Sasuke pointed at the boy with the red hat.

"Me? My name's Ash Ketchum, from Pallet town. I dunno why you need to know where I come from, but I always say it after introducing myself. My first goal was to go around capturing super-animals into balls, but somewhere along the way, I forgot that dream and instead decided to train my _own_ super-animals and beat the greatest super-animal trainers!"

Naruto frowned. "What're you all doing here?"

Ash, Pikachu, Al, Ed, Sora, Donald, and Goofy all mumbled and asked themselves that question, as well.

Tsunade scowled. "Well then, get out of here! You don't belong in our world, so you have no business meddling into our plots and character relationships!"

The extra characters 'eeped' and all jumped through vortexes similar to the one used for the girl-in-the-chapter-before's entrance.

Naruto sighed in pure relief and exhaustion. "It's over … it's all over.…"

"Thank god." Sasuke breathed.

--------------------------

Chapter fifty/Epilogue: Finished and failed products

Ten years, a thousand relationships and soup operas, and a whole lot of spoofs later….

A boy with dark purple hair strode over to a hill. His fit and accented body was embraced by a buttoned-up black shirt. His green eyes were fixed on the ground until his sandal'd feet finally met the hill.

He looked up and did not expect what he saw. A girl was under a tree on the hill, her black hair tied up in a high ponytail. Her body was relaxed on the grassy ground, head against the trunk of the tree. She was wearing a scarf that formed a big hole around her neck. Her eyes were closed, her eyebrows knitted in a struggle for relaxation.

The boy walked up to the girl under the tree. "Hello."

The girl's eyelids slid back to reveal dark blue eyes. She studied him for a moment, then replied with, "Uchiha."

The boy smiled and nodded. "That's right."

The girl sat up and observed him more. "Uchiha … and Haruno."

"Right again. I'm Naruto Uchiha. My parents named me after their best--"

"Can you guess who _my_ parents are?" The girl challenged. "It's so obvious, if you really think about it."

Naruto pursed his lips and contemplated her the same way she had done to him. That fixed frown, the high ponytail, the hole around the neck….

"I would have to guess Nara and Yamanaka." Naruto said, waiting for a response.

The girl just sighed and leaned back against the tree. "Bingo. I'm Chouji; my parents did the same yours did, naming their kid after their best friend." Chouji the Girl turned back to Naruto. "We're such obvious children."

"What do you--" Naruto started, but he was cut off again. This time not by Chouji, but by another child who was coming up the hill.

The girl had white, albino eyes that were frightening only in the way they had no pupils. Her brown hair was tied up in two buns on the sides of her head. She called out to Chouji, interrupting Naruto. Chouji just lifted a hand in greeting. Before the other girl could get close, however, Chouji whispered quickly to Naruto.

"See that girl?" Chouji asked Naruto. "She's a real obvious one."

"Hi, I'm Lee." The girl with the white eyes said, nodding. She seemed a bit of a tomboy.

Naruto didn't even have to think for this one. "Hyuuga and TenTen."

A boy walked up the hill, also with white eyes. He was smiling gently, petting the dog on his shoulder. When he saw the three other kids, he waved and laughed. "Hey, I'm Shino."

"Hyuuga and Inuzuka." Naruto laughed. "Ha, we _are_ obvious children!"

"And fake ones, too." Chouji replied. "No one can inherit exact genes like us."

"This is kinda cool!"

Chouji scoffed. "More like troublesome."

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As said in chapter forty-nine, it's all over. And thank GOD. I loved writing this collection of parodies; it was a joy to grasp some of your time for this humor fic. I thank all my reviewers for fueling me with the energy to update, and I'm sorry it took so long in between posts.

In Step two (meaning the second batch of ten chapters), I kinda just made fun of fics besides actually making it funny. And I apologize for that. So I tried to make the next Step obtain more humor. Sorry if I failed.

It was a struggle to make all of you reviewers happy when it came to the relationships. The entire Naruto fan batch is divided in half: one liking SasuSaku, the other not. I'm actually part of the half that doesn't, so creating Sasuke and Sakura's child was … disturbing. I was scrunching up my nose for that.

If you don't understand any of the chapters, please inform me. I know chapter forty (a parody of a parody) got many question marks; I hope it didn't confuse you too much.

Please nominate your favorite chapter in your reviews! Thank you, and have a good life.

Edit: I'm sure no one will notice, but I tweaked a bit of my writing so the later chapters wouldn't be as long (Though they are still very long compared to the first chapters) and possibly funnier than they had been before. Remember to get out of your fanfiction addiction soon!


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